"So as I tell Jon all this, he's like, "This guy is not awkward but charming. He may be gay but in denial about his orientation. Because I can tell you: no hetero guy goes to a botanical garden alone. A straight guy goes with his woman to get laid later. He also sounds like he may be that kind of autistic that can't understand society and social cues." I was like, "Yeah, I think I over-romanticized the guy. Now that we're talking about it, hell no, there can be no second date." I am proud of myself for keeping an open mind. While I am waiting for things to come together with my actual for-real soulmate, I'm certainly not going to sit at home. But Idiot Boy is not even someone I'd be compatible with for a friendship. Eek."
I tried to be open-minded but it didn't go as I had hoped. Sure, we had some good times and there were moments of happiness. When he came over to do house projects with me, I thought that was very sweet. Whenever he brought me flowers or cooked, I loved it. When he drew pictures for me, I thought it was wonderful. When we snuggled and spooned, I enjoyed it. I'll certainly miss those BF/GF things until the next person comes along. And who knows; maybe that next guy will be Mr. Sara. A friend of mine commented today, "The two of you hadn't even been dating that long. If he's already showing you this behavior, you definitely needed to run for the hills." My dad and another friend asked me, "Do you think he is a sociopath or borderline sociopath?" Without sounding like a stereotypical angry ex-girlfriend, yes, I do. Not the Ted Bundy kind that murders but certainly a human who is devoid of a normal amount of empathy. He had the idea that as long as you are being brutally honest or direct, it's not verbal abuse. Bullshit. I bought that the first time he pulled it on me, just like I bought the crocodile tears crying jag he delivered to me after he tried to schedule the job interview out of state behind my back. I think it would certainly be interesting to talk to other ex-girlfriends of his to find out if he was also this shitty to them. Maybe not; perhaps it was only me but I doubt it. Verbal abuse commonly escalates into other forms of abuse and it would not surprise me if other girlfriends told stories of abuse. Had I stayed with him, I feel fairly sure the day would come when I would be hit. Berating me and emotionally ruining me would not be enough-- he would probably someday take it farther. Since he is a rolling stone who likes to move around every few years and not plant roots, I could envision a scenario of relocating and being at his mercy. He'd already have a built-in social network and I'd be isolated and alone, at his mercy. Fuck that. Or he'd be the type of husband who'd go off and make important family decisions without you. "Guess what, honey? I've accepted a job transfer to Houston. The movers will be here on Monday so get your stuff packed up." No dialogue, no discussion, just his way. My dad was like, "He sounds very selfish and self-centered. Any woman he's with will have to be second place." Maybe someday he will meet Mrs. Right and get some counseling and be amazing. Personally, I doubt it but hey: maybe it could happen. That person just can't and won't be me. I don't think he will try to come back. I figure he either has another woman or wants his bachelor alone time back. My mom seems relatively certain that he will resurface at some point in the future with a sob story, a profession of love, a promise to change, or a bogus story that he's in counseling and wants to be better. It's important for me if that time comes not to cave in again and put myself back on the same roller coaster of bullcrap with this idiot. In case you are wondering or in case it might be of help to anyone in a similar situation, here are some of his verbal abuse highlights:
I don't miss you when we're not together.
I don't think about you when we're not together. I've tried to force myself to think about you but I can't.
I am not as attached to you as you are to me. I don't care about this relationship or you nearly as much.
I have to do what makes sense for me and not involve some girlfriend that it may or may not work out with.
In some ways I love you, in some ways I don't.
I don't feel much stronger about you now than when we were first dating.
I don't want to rip your clothes off and take you to bed. I am not as sexually attracted to you as you are to me. (Meanwhile, allow me to interject that this guy's body is a trainwreck. He has concave chest, shaves his thighs for cycling, has weird patchy hair everywhere else, and small genitals. His hair has gone very prematurely gray and he has an inordinate amount of wrinkles. When I first met him, I guessed him at 44 or 45. When he said he was 34, I almost fell out of the chair. At 53, Simon looks younger than Darcy!)
I went for a run to cope with my annoyance and aggravation towards you.
I like holding you, cuddling you, and petting you. I want you to come over for snuggles and then leave.
So yeah. That will give you an idea of love according to Darcy. I have never been asked before to serve as someone's pet. WTF. If that is what he wants, he needs to adopt a pet at the shelter or go to the toy store and buy one of those giant stuffed animals that is as big as a human. Then cuddle up with it on the couch and leave a flesh and blood human with emotions out of your sick, weird games.
