2 & 2, be right back atcha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_19q2MkCQU&sns=em


Yours truly is proud of herself. Instead of taking to my bed and having an "I went through a break-up" pity party, as I have done in times past, I dusted myself off and went on with life. Most especially since I realized that I wasn't even happy for most of the relationship but was trying to live in denial. The times when I was happy, Darcy would always find a way to shit on my parade. Whenever I turned in notice at my job of five years last year, they didn't put up a fight to keep me. They said they wanted me to stay but they didn't do anything to make me want to stay. It would've been like same shit, different day. I figured if Darcy had any depth of feeling or friendship towards me at all, he would offer an apology for speaking to me like I was dog crap. He didn't and hasn't, so I definitely don't see any point in waiting for an event that will never happen. Plus there's not any dignity in putting life on pause for no reason. Yeah, you need to stop and feel what you need to feel and heal from the wounds. But I was thinking about it this way tonight: the love and respect I have for myself outweighs my anxiety. My dignity is more important than getting a temporary fix of attention from some irrelevant jerk. Suck on that!

In that spirit, I went out on a double date this evening. It was me, the date, and our 2 mutual married friends. It was a good time. I had no expectations and no goals. I just went to go and keep an open mind. I can't express how wonderful it was to relax and be myself. No walking on eggshells and no trying to be something I'm not. I went in with a "take it or leave it" attitude and that is how I will date from now on. Even if Tom Hiddleston walks in, I'm not jumping through any hoops or putting in an inordinate amount of effort. If the dude doesn't show worthiness or if I get a bad gut instinct about it, he needs to hit the road. So was it a romantic connection? Nah, I don't think so. Could be a friend connection though. If nothing else, it was good practice. And speaking really, really bluntly, it feels wonderful to be looked at as an attractive, vibrant woman after having some jackass POS try to convince you that you aren't. But I am and I know better.