Why do people with upper respiratory illnesses think it is appropriate to cough with no attempt at covering their mouths? I don’t want your hot, infected breath in my hair, thanks.
Is it possible to ask the zodiac gods for a writ of divorcement from my astrological doppelganger and receive a second one? To me, no rightful doppelganger of mine would catch the wedding fever that’s going around, get engaged to a probable golddigger, and half-ass a hit TV show until it runs off the rails. I’m just sayin’. Someone should go Angelique Bouchard on him for becoming a sell-out. S-E-L-L O-U-T.
A basic heterosexual observation. Daaaaaaaaamn.
When I heard that Hollywood Blvd is closed between Orange and Highland for Oscar preparations, all I could do was laugh. Hollywood and Orange is a mighty fine place for people-watching.
There are days in this winter of discontent when I dream of slathering on a bunch of sunscreen (as at least a cursory precaution), laying on a beach and allowing the sun to bleach my body down to the bones. I’ve probably said that multiple times before but it’s still a persistent thought.
If someone was trying to pay me a compliment and he said, “She’s nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore,” I’d be more stunned than flattered. (Just a thought, Akon.)
Female readers: what is the necessity of taking an entire briefcase or backpack-sized bag into the bathroom? What are you doing in there? ‘Pons and maxis are small nowadays. Are you changing Depends or taking a whole package of Wet Wipes in there?
Last night, when Peter Griffin was on Family Guy ranting for the Grinds My Gears segment and he referred to a kid as “Baby Junior Sonofabitch,” I honestly thought I had cracked a rib laughing. Even though I’ve seen that episode many times, I’d forgotten that nugget.
So the radio bleeped the word “sin” in Britney’s song “3.” Has the FCC gone so nuts that now the word “sin” is considered profanity?
Speaking of “3,” I don’t know much of anything about Twilight but someone told me that a love triangle was forming between a human, a vampire and a werewolf. Ya know, to be honest, with my penchant for Dark Shadows, that’s a thought that has played out in my nog many times. I was watching an episode the other day where Quentin is supposed to be haggard and vaguely homeless in his appearance and I said, “I’ve seen quite a few hobos down by the YMCA and I’ve never seen a single one of them that looked like that.” If the producers don’t get Hugh Jackman (my personal pick) for the role of Quentin the Dark Shadows movie, they had damn well better find someone absolutely beautiful for it. Or I will riot in the streets.
On the Tonight Show when Jamie Foxx said his date ordered a cup of wind with a glass of air, I had another rib-cracking laugh.
