Word Up

http://www.thetowntalk.com/article/20100226/LIFESTYLE/2260303

http://www.enquirer.com/editions/2002/08/05/tem_single_and_loving_it.html

Subtitle: Beware the Fevers-- And I Don't Mean Spring Fever


I have Spring Fever pretty bad. It's sunny out today-- not particularly warm but really sunny outside-- and it is certainly making me more twitterpated for the season to change. I don't know anyone who wants the winter/snow/cold to continue. Ah but there are a couple of other fevers going around right now that I do not have and do not want: wedding fever and baby fever. Oh Lord. Lordy Lord. Believe it or not, at age 29, I know people in my age range who've already been married and divorced-- some of them more than once, which blows my effing mind. It's sorta like when they say, "I went through a horrible marriage and I don't want to ever experience that again," everyone nods and understands. But if you have not been married and you say you aren't particularly interested in it, the response is generally not so understanding. There are so many people in my part of the world who are engaged, newly married, pregnant and/or trying to get pregnant. Frankly it makes me want to break out into hives. It's like when my friend "Jack" wanted me to meet his kids and I was not down with that. I don't like being in the midst of situations where the wheel of pressure can spin on me. No thanks. I'm supportive of the people in my life and the decisions they make and it angers me when they can't return the favor. I was invited this week to yet another wedding and I didn't say what I was truly thinking, which is, "In 10 years, you guys won't even be together. Let's bet $200 on it and see who's right." I dunno, I guess in the middle of this weird epidemic I find it amusing that everyone is caught up in the "ooohing" and "ahhing" of babies and wedding dresses and no one is smirking about how temporal it all is. Sad to say, I can count on one hand the number of couples I know who would be classified as happily married. One hand. I can also name you quite a few people I know who had baby fever a while back and now are people you see walking around brain-dead because a crying infant has kept them awake all night or they have a pissy toddler or worse yet, they have a nightmare teen or tween. God, that makes me really, really want to break out into hives. *Shiver of terror* Anyway, the point is that there are pros and cons to any lifestyle. No one seems to highlight the joys of dating casually and enjoying a man's company and support without putting pressure on the relationship to hurry up toward marriage and kids. Likewise, no one seems to point out that some of the people who catch these fevers due to peer pressure live to regret the decisions later. Why would you ever wake up one morning and decide to bring a human life into the world that you must be responsible for based on peer pressure? That is so insane and, in many ways, so selfish to me. One of my friends asked me if I had been watching this season of Tool Academy on VH1 and I am laughing right now as I think about how the people on that show should make anybody wonder: would I really want to marry or have children with some idiot who behaves the way the guys do on that show? Things that make you say, hmm. LOL. I feel like walking up to Jonathan Frid (a lifelong singleton) and quoting Jay-Z: "All the hustlers love it just to see one of us make it." Hellz yeah.


On a much less serious note, a few quotes (and they are NOT politically correct):

"The whale had already killed three other people. I mean, I don't wanna jump to conclusions or nothin' but with three previous murders . . ."


"The whale can get some Democrats."
"The whale can get quite a few people for all I care. Really they need to have a moving whale tank that goes from town to town and assholes can get thrown in."
"It could be like the Moving Wall."
"I cannot believe we are going there. This is crazy."


"I guess we could shit in a to-go box and give it to him and say, 'It's Indian food so it's really spicy. Enjoy.'"
"Just thinking about that makes me need to shit."


"Everybody's got a little ornery in them sometimes."


"We don't know. He could be Captain Magnificent in the bed."
"Oh God. I think I just went sterile."