Holiday Break, Day 2

(meant to post this last night but ran out of steam)

What a day, what a day. I am mentally and physically exhausted. The thing about gunplay is this: you are on such high alert not to kill yourself or someone else that you are running on extreme adrenaline the whole time. Rather than offering a summary, I will relay important quotes of the day.

My friend Bob on my birthday: "How old you gonna be Monday?"
"28."
"Lookin’ good, baby, lookin’ good. Where are you going to today?"
"The gun club."
"Are you gonna hold people up at gunpoint if they don’t buy gifts?"
"Maybe . . ."

"This is the opening shot. This is, like, where the magic happens."
"I guess . . ."

"How many rounds were in that piece?"
"I counted 20."
"Are they firing machine guns over there? Is this Al Capone’s day out?"
"We probably don’t want to know."

"I’m hittin’ the targets, Ron."
"See, all you needed was some publicity."

"I’m gonna take this target home and put it on the wall!"
"Apparently you wanted publicity, too. Everyone’s a photo whore these days."

"This place is packed. I guess all the men came out here while their wives are shopping."
"To hell with those damn fools in the stores. It ain’t worth fightin’ over."

"I’ll see you again when you’re 28."
"Yeah, don’t remind me."

"It looked like a hobo broke in and took a shower at the sink. And he also shaved for some reason. Maybe he was going home for Thanksgiving and didn’t want his family to know he’s fallen on hard times."

"Those assholes never give freebies and they fucking monitor our mouths."

"Damn, girl. Her hair is a broke-ass mess. It looks like that chick from that song. Umm, Luka. Was that it?"

"A man got trampled Mom and Dad style on Black Friday! I saw it on the news!"

"Can I give you a Fruitista freeze?"
"I’d rather you didn’t, no."

"If I get a $50 tab, I wanna be free to drop some f-bombs."

"I guess they have showers so if you blow your arms off, you can at least wash off before calling EMSA."

"We need to get the James Bond opening gun barrel sequence. Let me make sure this is unloaded before we do it."
"No death today."

"I think they were survivalists."

"I thought the store was empty until I detected slight movement behind the counter."

"I kept thinking someone smelled like smokes. Then I realized I smelled of gun smoke. It was kinda cool. Nothing compliments Hypnose like flying bullets and some smokey residue."

"He thinks he’s in The Godfather. But he ISN’T."

"I tried to imitate the genie but I couldn’t get my eyes to cross all the way."

"He says he’s the modern-day Casanova."
"Yeah, because I bet Casanova rocked a 1992 ponytail with a 1996 labret piercing."

"I dig my trenches. They might have to re-grade this area. It looks like you went shooting with a Clydesdale horse. Minus the shit, of course."

"It’s probably already being monitored. Word could get out."
"Yeah because the KGB has a direct line via satellite to my digital camera. People are watching us from Beijing right now."

"I’m gonna call this ‘Ron’s one-handed murder stance.’"
"We could do the sniper rifles too. I guess you could call that ‘long range murder stance.’"
"I think that’s just more like a hired hit from a spy novel. Like The Living Daylights or something."

"If I’m gonna have a cake quota, I might as well make it count."

"He’s lost weight, I’ve lost weight. It’s not about training for a sprint, it’s about training for a marathon."

"You could run them off by serving them a small can of beanie weenies."
"That might be more of a punishment to myself. I’d have to buy a lot of extra toilet paper and then weather the stench it produced."

"I want them to go away. I am Simon Cowell-ing myself."

"Her husband looks like Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka. It was off-putting."