Holiday Break, Day 1

I laughed so hard last night. We were able to leave work early, which was awesome, and I decided to run a few errands before I left the city. Let’s talk for a moment about Walgreens. There is never a time that I have found when the Walgreens at 15th and Lewis is not busy. People are always in there no matter what day, what time, or what occasion. As it happened, I was running low on solution for my contact lenses and could think of nothing worse than having the dry eye all day Thursday and/or having to fight off the masses of people who would be in Walgreens on Thanksgiving Day itself. People get bored and antsy and anxious to escape from the family members so they will go pretty much anywhere to make that happen. And Walgreens is no exception. So I get in there and it’s people on top of people on top of people. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to get in and out quickly with a bottle of saline solution and a 2-liter jug of soda for caffeine stimulation. While in there, I saw transvestites having an argument in the photo development line and I was almost run over by a teenaged boy who nearly bowled me over trying to get to the laxatives section. Don’t ask, don’t tell, indeed.

Later, I watched the next DVD installment of Extras and laughed my ass off. I was so tired but stayed up much later than I should have just from laughter. I swear at least once per episode, I burst out into loud, uncontrolled laughter and at least once more per episode, I go into the cry laughing thing. I watched the extra part where they were searching for Leonardo DiCaprio to replace Jude Law in an episode and that was hysterical. It reminded me very much of a number of nights when my friend, Margaret, and I have conducted our own manhunts using little more than my laptop, a cell phone, and our sheer cunning. Goooood times. I was laughing about something off-color when I fell asleep. Trying to remember now what it was . . . Oh yeah, I think I was laughing about this time when this guy that Margaret and I used to know grabbed my pant leg in a drunken stupor like he was my child and announces, "Tell me what to do with my life!" How about figure it out for yourself like the rest of us . . .

Today came the feast. I have stuck with my no gorge goal. I ate a good meal and stopped at the point of fullness. I also collapsed into a MAJOR coma for a good part of the afternoon. I know I had a lot of peculiar dreams and I think I died at some point and was resurrected like Lazarus. I woke up covered in sweat and my contacts felt like they were glued to my eyeballs and I hardly knew where I was or what was happening. It reminded me of sweating out a fever deliberately by heating yourself up to cause the fever to break. It was like sweating the food out of my body in a heat cocoon.

More to come, more to tell. If the weather holds as I hope it will, I will be out practicing some James Bond skills at the gun club tomorrow. I told my friend, "Before we take the James Bond bad-ass photos we gotta make sure the guns are truly unloaded. ‘Cause I got too much to live for right now." (Not the least of which: the salt of Piers Morgan and the tears of my enemies. LOL. That shit never gets old.)

Sweeeeeeeeeet.

Birthday countdown is on. 3 days left . . .