I read a funny critique of the Planet Fitness model. I will likely be gym shopping soon and I’m trying to decide on what’s: convenient, affordable, and sensible. I was given a helluva deal by a ladies only gym. Yes, I know, gag, but it was so cheap that I couldn’t walk away from it. I have recently started lifting again after a sabbatical. I’ve learned from past mistakes and I realize how much better I feel when I’m slinging iron. I look better, feel better, and have such a sense of accomplishment. Cardio sucks. I’ll do it because I know it’s a necessary evil, but I don’t really enjoy it. Runner’s high? Fuck no. More like sore joints and a pissed off attitude. Spend half the day on an elliptical machine? Boring and it makes me feel like a hamster in a plastic ball. Exercise bike? Super lame. Going on a bike ride outside is fun, but pedaling to nowhere in the gym is mind-numbing. A few dilemmas with my women’s only gym:
*My contract is going to expire soon and they want more money for me to stay. Not gonna happen.
*The free weight selection is small. It tops out at 35 or 40 lb dumbbells and past a certain point, that won’t cut it anymore.
*Bitches be crazy. I will elaborate.
Dudes are dirty and dudes in the gym can be nasty ass pigs. No two ways around that. They can also be annoying when you want to cut in and some Neanderthal is standing in front of the weight rack bogarting everything. Or some amateur walks up to give you unsolicited advice. Or some steroid juicehead is throwing shit around and leaving 90% of it on the ground in a big mess. I get it. But a women’s only gym has its problems, too. It’s cleaner in most cases. It’s actually pretty rare for me to find wads of hair in the shower or gross tampons in the trash, LOL. The locker room never looks like a MRSA breeding ground and I have never felt awkward about taking a shower. It’s also not typically crowded at the times that I go. I’m sure it fills up at other times, but the benefit of using the weight room at a female gym is that you aren’t likely to wait in line for anything. Today I got pissed off and it was a classic example of what the writer talks about re: standing on an elliptical reading Nicholas Sparks and waiting for results. “For those of you out there that surf Pinterest and repin motivational pictures of IFBB Female Figure Athletes, or Crossfit Guys or Girls, or bodybuilders, etc., guess how all those folks achieved their chiseled physiques, 6 pack abs and ridiculous strength…. I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t from riding the elliptical for an hour while they read the latest Nicholas Sparks book.” Yesterday, this old, snooty looking beeyotch came in with what looked like an OSU diaper bag. I am sure it was a gym bag of some kind but it looked like a fucking diaper bag. She sits it down by an elliptical and sort of sets up shop. Next thing I know, she’s off the elliptical walking around the weight room not to lift weights but to talk on her fucking cell phone! The part that really galled me was that she reached over and turned the fan off so she could hear her cell phone call better. She didn’t ask, “Hey, are you using that? Do you mind?” I was standing there sweating and actually working out and she turned the fan off. I gave her a horrible look and she lurked back to the elliptical to continue her call and move with all the speed of snail. Some women use the gym as a social club. It’s not about exercising and GTFO. It’s about seeing and being seen, chatting, strutting around, wearing new workout gear, etc. Another habit that pisses me off is someone sitting on a machine playing, surfing the net, texting, etc. MOVE. If you aren’t counting down a 60 or 90 second rest between sets, move your dead ass. A workout bench is not the place for you to take selfies or text your BFF about bullshit.
On another rant, I have a friend who has turned into a busybody. I’m not convinced that that’s 100% the right term but it’s the closest one I can think of. The phrase that comes to my mind is taking liberties. He’s a liberty taker. He does shit without permission or prompting. It’s typically “well intentioned” or “well meaning,” but it’s annoying and unwanted. He has contacted several people on my behalf and told them personal information without asking me first. He told me one day about how I needed to call him because it was urgent. First of all, no, it was not urgent. Secondly, it was an offer he had concocted to write a letter of reference to someone on my behalf. Meanwhile, I’ve already told him I’m not interested in continuing communications with this other person. We had a possible business deal in the works. We talked about it. I decided against it. So why does my friend insist upon keeping it going? He keeps trying to connect me up with people that I’m not interested in dealing with. I was very annoyed by him today because I received an unsolicited email from someone asking me when I was going to be at her office this week because HE volunteered me for a meeting I cannot attend. I was livid. So then I have to look like an asshole to this lady because I told her I was declining and that I had already communicated that to my friend. He’s also told individuals before to just show up to my office unannounced and say that he referred them. The only reason I haven’t had a full-tilt meltdown is because I know he means well. I don’t think he is a bad person—I truly think he doesn’t get it. He’s a meddling buttinski but doesn’t understand it. That being said it’s not an excuse to keep a toxic friendship going. One thing I’ve learned is that when someone doesn’t get it, s/he doesn’t get it. And there’s no amount of talking, coaching, reasoning, helping, whatever, that is going to force that person to clue in. Some folks are simply wired differently. I’ve spent too much time embroiled in long-term friendships that weren’t the right fit. Most of the time when I stayed it was partly because I thought the other person would change and partly because it was more convenient to keep the peace than break up. However cowardly it may sound, I just do the slow fade-away these days. Instead of guaranteeing that this person will go from friend to enemy and bear a grudge over hurt feelings, I play the “Oh, shit, man, sorry. I’ve been so busy. I’ll catch you some other time.” After that goes on, the other person gives up and stops calling. I had a date earlier this month with a guy who turned out to be static cling. During the date, he did 95% of the talking and had pretty obvious ADD. Talked 80mph and barely stopped for oxygen. Then he blew up my phone with texts EVERY DAY thereafter. Everyone is different, but I don’t feel that one date = let’s now talk every single day. At that point, you are still strangers. There needs to be time to think about how the date went and decide if there’s interest. When someone is texting you every hour, it interrupts your thinking time and turns you off. I did slow fade out. Communicated I was too busy to talk or go out again and then stopped returning texts. Dude went away; problem solved. I think you also have to consider how some people thrive on attention, even if it’s negative, shitty attention. There’s something they aren’t getting within themselves and even negative comments help them feel relevant, I guess. It may not be the right strategy for everyone, but the slow fade-away has worked wonders for me. If I see it’s going off in the ditch, I start slinking slowly towards the back door until I can disappear completely. Plus that leaves the possibility of coming back if things change in some way. Occasionally that happens—you reconnect and discover that things are better. However sexist this may sound, I think it’s a better form of communication with men in particular. Heaven knows they do that slow fade-away shit to us alllllllll the time. They should recognize it when it’s done in return, LOL. Anyway, yes, I know people complain it’s a generational thing due to social media (as if pre 2000s, no guy ever just vanished into thin air after a date. Give me a break!), but think about it another way: what / how much does this other person owe you anyway? To quote the great Rocky Balboa: friends don’t do because they have to, they do because they want to. It’s voluntary, not obligatory. I would never suggest leaving a marriage via slow fade-out (or by post-it note, which happened to a friend of mine). But a casual friendship or someone you’ve gone out with one time? Sorry, I personally don’t think those people are owed grandiose explanations, nor would I expect one on the receiving end. I had a date with a guy earlier this year and I thought it was going well. I wasn’t feeling a romantic connection with him, but he seemed like an OK human being. He texted to say he had a great time and then was never heard from again. I admit I had a passing wonder about why, but I left it be. I didn’t feel a connection and he probably didn’t either. Why probe? If you find someone who’ll be brutally honest, it will probably feel like a kick in the gut.
I know we tend to put some glamorous value on long term friendships and people are quick to brag, “Oh, we’ve been best friends for xx years.” OK, good for you. You may also have been miserable with each other most of that time as well but you’re not willing to walk away due to nostalgia. For me, things are more transitory. I don’t attach the way that I used to and that’s a great thing. Change IS the only constant and that includes relationships. Many marriages don’t last and a lot of friendships also outgrow their shelf lives. And that’s completely fine. Being able to flex and not only survive but thrive when solo are amazing blessings.
