Movie Blowout

I had a movie extravaganza over the holiday, catching up on stuff I never got to the theater to see. Some of them, well, I'm glad it was a $1.35 selection at Redbox. (Any why is it 35 cents more now? When did that shit happen?)

Spoilers below so if you haven't seen any of these, don't read on.

Noah

I read a review that categorized it as being like a sci-fi interpretation of the story. Ok, I don't have a problem with that, especially if I know it going in. It didn't start out being crappy. I mean, I was even on-board with the weird ass angel rock creature giants. But about halfway through I was wondering what was going on. The film starts to drag and you want to see the ark land and the new creation begin. It takes forever for that to occur. Then when it does, Noah looks like a drunk Marlon Brando on the beach, shitcanned and naked. (Not even kidding. Total WTF moment.) Also, Noah is an asshole in this movie. He wants to kill his own grandkids and have the population end with his youngest son. Now, I am a misanthrope myself, but that's outta control. I enjoyed watching the animals get on the ark and I like the message about not killing the environment. Past that, it was just too freakin' weird. I wanted to like it but I didn't. All the potential it had was ruined in the second half. Worth the $1.35? The first half is, but the ending sucks.

The Nut Job

Yeah, it's a kid movie but I wanted to see cute cartoon animals. The plot is not all that interesting for an adult, but the animals are cute. In that regard, the mission was accomplished. Liam Neeson as a fat raccoon with a pet cardinal was probably my favorite even though he was a villain. The dog annoyed me. Good for younger kids and adults like me who just like animal films. Worth the $1.35? Yes, especially if you have kids kindergarten age or younger.

The Other Woman

The wife was obnoxious. If you had to come home to that whining and neuroses, you would look elsewhere, too. It was a crazy hodgepodge of unrealistic plot details and actually funny moments. When the husband's drink gets spiked with laxatives and he shits his pants, I laughed harder than the whole rest of the movie. The guy was such a sleaze that you question why all these hot chicks are doing him. Then you remember, "Oh yeah. Pieces of shit get babes all the time." We live in a messed up world. Worth the $1.35? Yes.

Only Lovers Left Alive

Good Lord, what a yawn fest. Not even T Hiddles' hotness can save this. I get that it's supposed to be quirky or whatever, but I lost interest quickly. The addition of Christopher Marlowe was cool and discussing famous historical figures-- but it's nothing that hasn't already been done in vampire movies before. The obnoxious little sister's arrival was when I hoped it would improve. And it did for like 10 minutes when she bites Anton Yelchin. There's a lot of meandering in the dark, Tom Hiddleston looking ghastly pale brooding in his Detroit house, blood Popsicles, and dull conversations. I didn't expect it to be an action film, but I was so unattached and uninterested with all of it. The hospital scene with the Dr. Faust and Dr. Watson name tags was the only time I smiled. I can understand the commentary on ennui and how a life that goes on and on for centuries with no respite would be a kind of hell. A bit like Sartre's No Exit only with immortal vampires. But I didn't like it, it wasn't my cup of tea. Worth the $1.35? Maybe. I like to support Tom Hiddleston and frankly I am glad I didn't spend $9 seeing it in the theater. I would have been asleep before the halfway mark.

Sabotage

Just a good, no brains shoot-em-up film. My assessment gets somewhat hazy to be honest because I drank a fair amount of Czech beer about midway through, LOL, but I didn't have any major complaints. Worth the $1.35? Yes, especially if you like action movies. This ain't Shakespeare.

Robocop

Had I paid attention enough to know that this was PG-13, I probably would have opted out. This needs to be an R rated movie to work. The most compelling part was seeing the poor guy with minimal body parts left when the suit was removed. Other than that, it was lacking. The first one had some cheesy, 80s camp. This one tried to be too serious. It had the potential to make a valid political commentary and it seemed to go in that direction initially. But it deviates and turns into a slow, plodding mess. Worth the $1.35? Depends. I almost saw this one in the theater and I am glad I didn't. Not terrible but not great.