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During the previews, we saw the trailer for whatever the next Planet of the Apes movie is. Some hillbilly in the back shouted, "Aww, damn it. It's one a them stupid ape movies!" I laughed because I have never, ever gotten into Planet of the Apes. My sci-fi tolerance had grown greatly over the years but it still doesn't include that mess.
We also saw a preview for Noah. A couple of thoughts . . . Since Darren Aronofsky directed Black Swan, which I thought was both weird and lame, I'm not sure about how this will turn out. That being said, Rustle Crow makes a hot Noah. I like bruisers, what can I say? I'm still turned on that he threw a phone when he wanted to call his wife. And the scene with the animals boarding the ark is cool. I'm a sucker for cute animals. It is what it is.
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| AWWWWWW!!! |
So Chris Pine is the new Jack Ryan. He's one of those guys who's just ... pretty. I don't know how else to say it. Seems like he'd hog space in the bathroom and want to preen for three hours before leaving the house. (Although the photo of him with a bad 90s era pubic beard is heelariousss: http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/chris-pines-dorky-yearbook-photo-unearthed-ellen-degeneres-2014171.) He's made a good run of action movies, so clearly people buy him as an action hero. I dunno. I'm still irritated that Reese chooses him over Tom Hardy in This Means War. I mean, c'mon. Tom Hardy. Tom. Hardy.
If someone rolled up and tried to start shit with him, he would deliver a beat down. What would Chris Pine do? Stare them down like Mango from SNL?
Kenneth Branagh plays the evil Russian villain who doesn't seem that evil. He tries to put a light bulb in Keira Knightley's piehole but that was more laughable than evil. "We learn in Siberian preeson that light bulb in mouth make slow death. And it iss economically efficient, too. Everybody happy!" Frankly, when they were at the awkward dinner and he was laying the charm on, I was rooting for him. A man who gets up when a woman leaves the table AND is willing to escort her arm-in-arm AND knows about history and literature? Shit. As Lester Long says, "I can't wait to start dreaming tonight!"
There are times when the camera work is so shaky that it feels like Blair Witch.
Mikhail Baryshnikov has a cameo as a Russian official. He does a more convincing job of being evil than Branagh.
Renfield from Dracula is also around for a cameo.
Apparently in Moscow, if you want to seem like you are anything but a CIA operative, you steal an elderly golden retriever as a prop.
In terms of Russian bad-ass action, I think MI Ghost Protocol did a better job. Shadow Recruit gets almost slow at times.
Keira Knightley's character was annoying. She finds out her fiancé is in the CIA and has no flinch about it. "Oh, ok, cool. As long as you are not chasing tail. It's all good. I'll even help you on an assignment with absolutely no prior training or debriefing!" That might have been more convincing if they cast a badass chick instead of someone who looks thin as a rail and acts like static cling.
On the way out of the theater, a couple had an argument. The dude was like, "I'm sure you thought that was just horrible!" The woman said, "No, not horrible. It was OK."
That's what I would say. Not terrible, just OK.
