Goin to the Zen retreat, gonna eat a lotta peaches

Actually no peaches were involved but it made for a good tune.

I spent my NYE at a Zen retreat and it was awesome. The whole concept appealed to me: something to do that doesn't require drunken partying, DUI risks, or spending the entire next day face down in the toilet. I had way too much to drink at the office Xmas party this year and the next day it was like, "Aww, fuck. I see now why I rarely do this shit anymore." A friend of mine who is pushing 50 was planning on getting so drunk that he and his wife rented a hotel room in advance so all they had to do is walk! Ericka and I did that when we were 24 or 25. I haven't had any compulsion to do it again. It's been nice not incoherently stumbling through the house feeling like hard-boiled ass. LOL

Tales from the retreat . . . I'll type them in free form.

Having never been to one, I didn't know what to expect. But based on the way they described it, I felt like it would be a good place for an introvert. I wasn't sure how many people would show up, but I didn't think it would be a big crowd. Around these parts, most people are either going to be at home asleep or out ripping up the town-- there's not much in between. I think all total there were 15 of us. That seemed like a good size of group.

I got there early because I did not want to be late and miss out on any kind of instruction process. It looked deserted and I was like, "Well shit. This may turn out to be a party of one." The story value on something like that might be epic though, who knows.

Once people showed up, I went to pee. The bathroom at this place is set up to be open. It's a large room divided into a stall, a changing area, and a sink/vanity space. The toilet stall is the only place with actual privacy. A lady walked in looking like she was straight from the titty bar. She was wearing a dress like the one JLo had with lots of exposed boob:
http://cdni.condenast.co.uk/240x360/g_j/JLopez_VersaceDress06RxB.jpg That attire seemed very weird to me for a Zen retreat . . . She locked the main bathroom door with the two of us in there and I thought, "If this 'retreat' turns out to be Eyes Wide Shut, I am getting the fuck outta here. I'll be halfway home before you can say Kubrick!"

There were a couple of kids who were there because they were too young to drink. They looked maybe 18 or 19 and kinda zoned out. Apparently their grandpa talked them into coming.

A dude lit some incense that was a little overpowering. That was all he lit, LOL. I didn't see any evidence of pothead activity.

There was a May-December couple that sat down next to me. The dude (who looked 50ish) had talked his much younger girlfriend into going. She looked about 25 and wanted to go party. He didn't and suggested they do this retreat instead. She seemed fairly bored the whole time and I noticed when we had a break, they left. At some point when they break up, she's gonna be like, "Oh God, I remember when Pawpaw took me to a Zen retreat. All of my friends were out having fun and drinking and I was with that old man!" Now I ain't sayin she a golddigger . . .

Aside from the clueless kids and the spoiled trophy girlfriend, it seemed like a really nice, down-to-earth group of folks. One of the things I would like to do this year is find more people who look at life in a similar way. I've always said that, eventually, people of like mind find each other. I still believe that to be true. It takes time and you have to build a little trust, but you find those people. Some people are always looking for the next whatever-- house, car, job, pay raise, outfit, party, etc.-- to make life exciting or meaningful. The kind of people I want to surround myself with are people who understand that there isn't some magical, mystical thing "out there." The first half of the retreat consisted of yoga and damn if I'm not feeling it today. It was a good reminder of how much I can benefit from adding that into my normal exercise routine. This wasn't light effort where no one breaks a sweat. This was a good workout. The second half was the wind down where we did slow down and do more relaxed stretching. It was great. I slept like a baby.


It is definitely something that I would do again. It was a peaceful, drama-free way to start 2014. No drunks, no fights, no cops, no horny pervs looking to grope. (The stripper locking us into the bathroom was the only questionable situation.) I remember all of it and I am not hungover today. Yay! Happy 2014, my babies.