Encore Suspense is oddly inspiring

Encore Suspense is showing a pretty terrible movie called Bait. I'm not sure if it was a made-for-TV movie in Australia or if it went straight to DVD. But it's corny as hell. To give you an example, at one point, they make a "shark cage" out of metal baskets and zip ties . . . Cause that's totally gonna stop a 12' great white shark from eating you. Most apex predators are deterred and utterly befuddled by cheap metal baskets and flimsy zip ties, LOL. One of the message board comments on IMDb killed me: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1438173/board/thread/183348732?d=183348732#183348732. And when the ditzy blonde chick screams, "Dog murderer," I laughed out loud. When JM wanders up with ropes and a spear, I really cracked up.

For those of you who prefer the edited version, we can also offer monkey fighting sharks in a Monday to Friday supermarket. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=z4t6zNZ-b0A&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dz4t6zNZ-b0A


It's late at night and way past my bedtime. Perhaps this has lowered my inhibitions and inspired me to compose a poem. This is dedicated to Julian and based on the hijinks in the film. I guess I'll call it "Supermarket Sex with Jules." Totes Magotes. :)


I would make sex with you in a shark attack
Or a cheesy grocery store in a tsunami.
I would make sex with you by the magazine rack
Or by the display of deli pastrami.

I would make sex with you in the black, murky water
Or in the seedy, dirty parking garage.
I would make sex with you by the river otters
Or on the backseat of the security dude's Dodge.

I would make sex with you beside the canned goods
Or by the safe you attempted to rob.
I would make sex with you wearing that black hood
Or watch you flog on your knob.

I would make sex with you under fluorescent lights
Or inside the market's cold-ass freezer.
I would make sex with you in the piranhas' fight
Or on film for the movie's teasers.

I would make sex with you in wet clothes
Or completely in the nude.
I would make sex with you while fish bite our toes
Or even if a natural disaster dampens the mood.