“And life is too short to go on living like this
Or to brood over who's done you wrong
If the years pass you by, look at all that you'll miss
You've been walking in shadows too long
It's time, come back to the land of the living . . .”
I was thinking today about that Wayne Watson song “It’s Time.” I think sometimes you intuitively know when it’s time. One of the things I enjoyed in Seattle was being around other people with good stuff going on in life. (The Seattle pics are now posted in Picasa.) And I don’t mean that about corporate crap (i.e. “oh she makes so much money, she has a prestigious title”); I mean dynamic, meaningful stuff in general whether work-related or not. I realized a few things:
When you are around dynamic, upbeat people, it’s contagious.
You tend to forget about negative bullcrap when you are around new, positive experiences.
There’s less room for bad memories to cloud your vision when you are enjoying yourself.
You feel a renewed sense in humanity when you can hang with folks of like mind.
It sounds simplistic and I admit that it is, but it’s no less true. When you are depressed and/or trying to work through junk in your own headspace, you don’t really feel much like getting out there. Sitting in bed eating chocolate or crying into your pillow is more appealing during those times. For a while, it felt like all I could do is deconstruct; it was painful and frustrating, but it was greatly needed and long overdue. I felt like I was in a weird form of domino hell: touch one thing and the whole row comes crashing down. I wanted to spend some time alone after that. And I needed to. It wasn’t just that I wanted to, it was that I needed to as well. There are some people who cannot be alone for any length of time—a day, a weekend, an hour. If they aren’t leeching on to you, they are leeching onto someone else. Deep down, I find it hard to believe that a person who is a clinging vine is actually happy and self-confident. Granted, I am an introvert and that biases me a bit (http://www.susanbiali.com/your-best-you/why-it-s-hard-to-be-a-highly-sensitive-hsp-introvert.html her comment on the hotel room is spot on!), but c’mon. When you are confident and happy in your own company, you don’t have that spastic neediness of frantically searching for validation. To get existentialist for a moment, once you realize that we are alone and, regardless of the closeness you may have, a gap still remains between two people, you sorta say, “Well I guess I better get down to the business of getting to know me.” And that’s exactly what I did and continue to do.
When I went to Seattle and connected with people that I actually have things in common with, I realized, “This is what I want.” My friend Frank is always telling me, “It’s gotta be natural. It’s not work.” And he’s right. God knows I have had to learn this lesson the hard way. I think it’s time. It’s time to get involved with people who have the same interests and passions that I do. Not 24 hours a day because I would claw my own eyes out, but on an occasional basis, I think it would be worthwhile.
Cool.
