GI Joe Review: the real deal

Saw Leno's standup tonight. It wasn't bad. There was substantial AC blowing and we were all about to freeze to death. Meanwhile, tornadoes were blowing up outside. LOL. My friend's friend got us VIP tickets for free though, so I was going, period. You don't walk away from free VIP shit. You go!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/scott-mendelson/huff-post-review-gi-joe-r_b_2971592.html

GI Joe Retaliation Review: the real version

SPOILERS BELOW!!

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*Why the hell do you advertise it as a film about Cobra and then he is barely in the film?

*As one reviewer on Rotten Tomatoes noted, "It was like watching 2 hours of channel surfing." If you see the film, you will get the metaphor. It totally was.

*The weird, fucked up prison had the potential to be cool but wasn't. Storm Shadow posing as Snake Eyes was about the only redeeming point. Then when Cobra tells Destro he's out of the band, does Destro die? Are we never to see him again? Or does he come back in GI Joe: Retaliation 2: Revenge of Abandoned Destro?

*Where are Ripcord and Scarlet? Also, was Heavy Duty in this film and I missed him?

*Killing off Channing Tatum seems like a dumbass move. Why was that necessary? That would be like killing off Iron Man in Iron Man 2.

*Moreover, it takes entirely too long to get to the ambush that kills the Joes. Watching the characters play video games and discuss babysitting is NOT what I signed up for. And it is definitely not what we waited an extra year for. I can do all of that crap for free in real life.

*This movie really should have been called GI Joe: Rise of Zartan. Because he is far and away the main villain.

*Bruce Willis seems to phone in his role. He is collecting a paycheck for playing a badass on screen for about 15 minutes.

*Not sure I really buy the concept of Storm Shadow being a temporary good guy. Or Zartan murdering the master to frame him. That was a big "Really? WTF?" moment for me. It was way too contrived and convenient. You could almost hear the Church Lady saying, "Well. Isn't that convenient?!"

*Storm Shadow recovering from his burns was pretty cool. Not sure what kind of magical MRI the old lady had that cured him, LOL. The battle on the mountain and the battle between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow may have been the biggest highlight. The destruction of London would be the other highlight for me.

*The presidential summit on nuclear weapons and Project Zeus was good. I enjoyed that part of the film. If only there had been more Cobra and more chaos!