You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
I read Susan Jeffers’ book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway this weekend. It’s been sitting on my bookshelf for several weeks and I figured the time was right to bust it out. And it definitely was. She talks about being in tune with your Higher Self—it’s what I would probably consider to be your own spirituality and relationship with God. I also like how she suggested you create a square and select various areas that comprise your “whole life.” That way your whole life doesn’t become only your job or only your relationship. As I have learned the hard way, when you do that to yourself, you set yourself up for failure. She discusses making corrections when you realize you’re on the wrong path and she uses feelings of confusion and dissatisfaction as indicators. I would agree with that. I’ve spent too much time in my life trying to fit the square peg in the round hole and all it does is cause misery. I hated having to leave my job of five years back in 2011. I really did not take any joy from that but I knew I had to go. They made promises to me that were never delivered and I felt incredibly bored and restless. The familiarity that had once been so nice had become a prison. It was stale and I felt like I was rotting and stagnating day after day. The first place I landed was a disaster and I knew almost immediately that I’d made a mistake. It’s like that feeling of swimming in the ocean and being pulled under and tossed around. While you are being buffeted, it’s very scary and you don’t know when you’ll escape the tide and get to the surface. I hate that experience. But once you get your head above water again and get your bearings, there is an overwhelming combination of relief and gratitude. I feel like my head has popped out of the water and I’m looking around to see where the nearest island is. That tense feeling of rolling around in the undertow is gone, thank God. I can focus again and I don’t have this pervasive “Did I make the right decision” question mark hanging over my head. Yes, I did make the right decision and I can move on with my life not wondering if I left anything on the table. I did the best I could under the circumstances and I couldn’t have changed the final outcome and turned my ex from a frog to a prince. Period.
Something else from the book I enjoyed was the principle that “like attracts like.” It might be easier to say, “If you have a particular demon, you will attract other people with the same demon.” I’ve been in relationships with guys where there were fundamental compatibility issues and, at the end of the day, I didn’t even like who they were or feel a strong attraction to them. I settled for what seemed “good enough” at the time. However, one thing we all had in common were our demons. In my two most disastrous relationships, I can look back and know that I was fueled by loneliness, desperation, and low self-esteem. Darcy was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. Having someone ask to use you as a pet was truly rock bottom. For that, I thank him because it has turned my life around. I remember one time when my friend Meredith advised me not to date commoners, LOL. I thought that was so funny. She was being silly, of course, but her point was, “You are awesome. You need to only date awesome guys.” Yeah, no shit! I see that now. No one is perfect and no relationship will ever be perfect, but good grief. I have so many good, kind things to offer the right person. In the meantime, until that kick-ass dude comes along, I am going to live my life to the fullest.
