Be Honest . . .

I stumbled on a book called Be Honest and thumbed through it.  Before I realized it, I'd read the whole thing. http://books.google.com/books/about/Be_Honest_You_re_Not_That_Into_Him_Eithe.html?id=UvQPEoTNPKMC

It's a kind of rejoinder to Greg Behrendt's HJNTIY book. It's funny that I would find it all these years later. I recall being in my early 20s when HJNTIY came out and it seemed like a cultural lightning rod. Every unattached woman I knew-- including me-- was reading it. I espoused it even though I always secretly felt like it was horrendously tragic: wait for a guy who is tripping over his own dick to be with you and remember that even a POS asshole bad boy will change when he finds his Cinderella. Women are so mystical that when we meet Mr Right, we have the ability to transmogrify a sow's ear to a silk purse. Give me a fucking break, LOL. The things you believe at 23 are not necessarily the things you'll fall for at (almost) 33. If you're doing something right, age will increase your wisdom. I enjoyed the lady's story about Chippy and, in particular, how every woman needs that. I'd like to say it isn't true but in my case, it was. I went through a terrible depression at the end of last year. My dreams were dead. My Chippy was Arsey Darcy. Lisa does a great job of explaining it in the book. Having a Chippy/Darcy experience causes you to grow up, take the blinders off, and get real. That's precisely what happened for me. One reason why the depression hit me so hard is because of that very thing: growing up all the way. There's no fairy tale, there's no Prince Charming, there's no happily ever after. You don't get to abdicate responsibility and ride off into the sunset on a white horse with Captain Handsome. After you get pushed through the eye of that needle and come out alive on the other side, you realize, "Wow. I no longer want that unrealistic fantasy crap anymore anyway. I'm an intelligent grown woman, not a little girl." You also realize that fundamental character flaws don't change and they most especially do not permanently change overnight. If a guy is a lying, cheating asshole, is he really going to magically see the error of his ways the moment he sets eyes on his princess? I doubt it! He might be better at concealing it from a lady he wants to impress but eventually, the baggage will come out. When I met the guy I had a mild crush on, Rob, I liked that he is easy to talk to, polite, intelligent, and we see eye-to-eye on certain political issues. It wasn't like the free candy van sentiment of, "Oh well. Seems legit," which is what I've settled for in the past. It was more like, "Hmm. I enjoy talking to Rob and I would like to continue this. I'd be interested in having a date with him to see if we have anything else in common." I struck out and that didn't happen, but I don't feel worse for the attempt. When you aren't out scouring the scene for Prince Charming, it's not dramatic. It's "Well, that's a bummer but life goes on." I don't follow baseball but a friend shared a good analogy with me: "you don't make it in the hall of fame by winning 100% of your games. In fact, you only need to win 30% of them." That puts things into perspective.