What’s a mob to a king?
What’s a king to a god?
What’s a king to a god?
What’s a god to a non-believer
Who don’t believe in anything?
I was having a conversation with a friend about common beliefs. More specifically, I said something like this: “I didn’t used to think that it mattered much. I had an open door policy about friendship and I felt like as long as a man claimed to have a code of ethics or a moral compass of some kind, I didn’t really care what kind of label he put on himself. Now I feel like it definitely matters.” This is not to say that orienting yourself to a particular affiliation or going to church somewhere makes you pious or automatically makes you a good person. In fact, sadly, some of the meanest people I know have been church-going folk. But some of them have also been atheists, too, who mocked anyone with religious beliefs. I recall my ex telling me, “I don’t need to go to church to be told to be nice to people. I learned that when I was five.” Well, frankly, pal, you need a refresher ‘cause you treated me like dog poop! You can find liars, cheaters, and jerks anywhere. But as I was listening to “No Church in the Wild,” I was thinking about that lyric: “What’s a god to a non-believer who don’t believe in anything?” Exactly. It’s nothing. It’s irrelevant. It doesn’t matter and it doesn’t factor into the decision making process. In setting and maintaining better boundaries, one of my goals is to filter out people who don’t share enough common beliefs to make a compatible friendship or most certainly a romantic relationship. Not saying not to be friendly or maintain a casual friendship with people who don’t believe the same way. It’s more, I think, about the level of closeness allowed. When you do share common ethics and a common viewpoint, it makes things easier. I told my friend P about a dude who invited me out for lunch and then told me he was splitting up with his wife and was looking to date. My response was, “You are still married and in the process of a divorce. I’m not looking to dip an oar in the water with someone who is still legally married and going through an unhappy split. Thanks but no thanks.” P said, “A lot of women would not have turned him down. They would’ve gone for it because he has money and wouldn’t have worried about the fact that he is not divorced yet. You are part of a rare breed.” Sad but true. It’s nice to have that common bond with people. To have someone say, “I understand why you didn’t dive into a relationship with this man” instead of someone who says, “What are you thinking? Go for it.” I suppose in a way, it all goes back to the baseline level of understanding I talk about. (Sometimes you wanna go where everyboddddy knows your name . . .) For some people, the code of ethics is, “My own logic is my God. As long as I can justify what I have done, I will do it and feel no guilt.” It’s not even “harm no others, do what thou wilt”; it’s “do what thou wilt.” (“There are no ‘standards of Right.’ Ethics is balderdash. Each Star must go on its own orbit. To hell with ‘moral principle’; there is no such thing.” Aleister Crowley) I certainly understand the argument against a code of ethics. I think about the scene in Angel Heart when Ethan talks about everyone doing what he wants but preaching against what the others do. I get it. I just don’t personally think the world operates very smoothly if we all do whatever the hell we want with no consequences. We all sin, we all mess up, we all make mistakes. Some people are more willing to seek out forgiveness and repentance than others. In some ways, it sucks worse when someone screws you over and never apologizes. At least when you can see remorse from the other person, you can say, “Well, at least s/he is not a sociopath. That makes me sleep easier at night.” It’s easier to forgive when someone says, “Look. I f*cked up here and I am sorry.” As opposed to, “I didn’t do anything wrong and I don’t give a damn.”
Whenever I was struggling with this very issue, I remember talking to God and wondering how the train had slipped the tracks. What He said to me was: “If a person is not accountable to Me, what makes you think he will be accountable to you?” And that’s when a lot of it hit home in my mind. I don’t mean this in a judgment sense of the word, i.e. like I think a boyfriend has to answer to me like a judge in a courtroom. It’s more of a respect and dignity issue. If a man loves you and respects you, he shouldn’t be threatening you with physical violence, telling you he will leave you stranded in a bad neighborhood if he gets mad, being verbally abusive and making sure that you know he thinks you are fat, ugly, stupid, etc. It seems to me that if you are going to marry someone, you should have enough respect for the marriage itself that you want to behave in a way that communicates love and care, not shady and triflin’ BS. Respect is part of that. “I value you and this relationship enough not to drag you through the mud.” What I’ve had to do is look at it like this: “I respect myself enough that I will not allow someone to drag me through the mud.” More and more it seems like you can’t count much on people to have good scruples.
There’s no church in the wild.
