UDT, Day 1

The heating pad and Aleve are my friends.

Did my first day of upside-down training yesterday. Friday has pretty typically been my rest day and I was glad for it. But I'll be back at it for Day 2 tomorrow. Muscle memory is a great thing, whether it's the body or the brain (this is a topic of debate: http://www.coryholly.com/articles/article.cfm?id=171); however, in this attempt to gain back that base of strength, I've discovered how much work I need to do. But the pity party is over. I've had my time to grieve and to throw some adult versions of temper tantrums. Right or wrong, I needed to do that and I don't regret it. That rabbit hole is a slippery slope though and if you aren't careful, a temporary setback can turn into a long-term downward spiral. (http://www.liftbigeatbig.com/2012/12/is-stress-making-you-weak.html?m=1) Part of it is getting your hunger back. I've said it before but nothing gives me a charge like weights. I've done the whole 5K thing and had no runner's high from it. At all. I enjoy going out to BMX on occasion but the desire to ride a cycle for like 70 miles down the highway (like my idiot ex who will probably meet his Waterloo that way) has ZERO appeal to me. In fact, doing any sort of long-ass steady state cardio has zero appeal to me. I do like walking and I do like hiking and seeing nature trails but that is more like fun stuff to do in addition to a workout routine. I do that kind of stuff out of want to, not out of "means to an end." I remember a guy I used to work with who went to Jazzercise and I thought, "Dear God. What has society been reduced to?" LOL.

None of that pushes my buttons. I can do that stuff on occasion, but there's not much passion in it for me. I have a gym membership and when they asked me about going to Zumba, I was literally like, "No, I'm not going to a friggin Zumba class. That's not really my thing." The lady cocked her head and said, "Oh but it's really fun." First of all, me and dance aerobics do not mix. I can't keep up with the coordination and the steps. Secondly, it always looks more fun than it is to perform. Just give me some instructions, a log book, and weights and I can handle it with no hiccups. If a workout requires me to twist around in a spandex suit like I'm figuring out a Twister mat, I'm not interested.

It seems to me that there is a correlation between strength of mind and strength of body. I didn't get that the first time around. And it screwed me over. My mental focus and my priorities were not where they should have been. When you lose that hunger, it shows. We all have days here and there where we're just not feeling it. That's normal. But when you decide to say, "To hell with it," even on a subconscious level, it falls apart. You phone it in and do what's necessary but you don't go above and beyond anymore. It gets easier and easier to postpone things and justify your slacking. In addition to what you may lose physically, you also lose out mentally and spiritually, too. Those are the things you don't see on the outside but they can be amazingly devastating. When Milton spoke of the mind having the capability of being its own hell, he was right on target.

Where I am going with this is simple: if I had been strong on all of those levels, I highly doubt:

I would have stayed in a toxic BFF dynamic where we were making each other very unhappy
I would have partnered up with a sociopath who I disliked from the first date
I would have walked away from my weight training after such a long, arduous investment
I would have gotten swept away in job opportunities that proved to be too good to be true
I would have given up on myself and God

Hindsight is always 20/20 and we see mistakes much clearer on the other side. Lord knows I've spent enough time beating myself over the head and telling myself I'm a complete idiot. Nah, I'm only human and I made some poor decisions. We all have. What I want to do differently this time is the see the whole picture. Feed not just the body with good stuff, but the mind and spirit with good stuff, too. I come back to the way that Susan Jeffers created a life grid. Instead of making one or two areas your "whole" life, fill your time with more.

It feels good to be back again. Instead of sitting around wringing my hands and lamenting, "I want my life back," I'm actually getting it back now. In the words of Stewie, "I feel right, Brian. I feel right."