G.I. Joe and Stuff

Surprisingly I have to say that GI Joe (I like to say Rise of the Cob-ra [said without a long “o” sound like “cob”] to be obnoxious—like a “pantomime baddie,” if you will, LOL) was not terrible. I went in with no other expectations than to see a lot of mindless action, explosions, car chases and Dennis Quaid’s hot ass. And I was not disappointed. It was money well spent for an albeit corny but very good time.

A blender of quotations:

(loud belch erupts from the theater hallway, Sara looks up)
“Oh God, that kid’s an albino. Can you imagine if an albino and a ginger mated?”
“It would be translucent. Like a jellyfish.”
“It would be the jellyfish that kills Will Smith in 7 Pounds.”

(in response to a kid who rang the doorbell for no reason)
“Don’t be mad at me because God decided to punish you with the way you look. That’s not my fault, don’t take it out on me.”

(in response to this commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx_wdg-BSaY)
“It looks like Bono is singing to the very face of God. Like it is a one on one concert between he and Jesus. I like U2 but I guess I don’t understand the necessity of being that serious and that intense over a stupid Blackberry.”

“Dennis Quaid is walking with a limp and a cane because he’s still getting used to the titanium pelvis they implanted. Giggity.”

“It appeared that they moved furniture into and out of their house ALL NIGHT LONG. At one point, it looked like the Mother Ship had landed to take them back home. I saw tons of flashlights bobbing around, spotlights, flood lights, couches moving through the air, chairs flying. Who does that? Who moves furniture at 1am with flood lights going?”

“What I don’t understand is why this section of the theater always smells like Alpo and chiminea smoke.”
“Maybe there’s a dog party going on.”
“Yeah, but then how does the chiminea smoke fit in? What are they doing—grilling the Alpo on the flames of a chiminea?”

“I think that was the cokehead remix of ‘Boom Boom Pow.’ That makes you wanna go home and workout for, like, 2 hours straight.”

“Who would go see The Time Traveler’s Wife? Who? I want a list of names, dammit!”

“I don’t want to see boobs flipping and flopping around, ok, I just don’t. I like to look at men, not chicks.”