They've all moved to Facebook

I was home sick the other day feeling blah and I discovered that daytime TV has become even more of a vapid wasteland than I remembered. No good marathons of anything to watch, no interesting talk shows, just crap. I was nursing a 101 degree fever plus double ear infection and pretty much had the effort to do absolutely nothing. Gone are the days, apparently, where you can console yourself by saying, “Well, this sucks to be ill but at least I can watch some good TV.” Nope. It’s all suck-ass programming. Ok, so I console myself by goofing off online in between rounds of sweating this fever from hell out of my body. Here are some general observations I uncovered whilst doing this:


A guy I once dated is now a swimsuit model. All I can think to do is laugh at this development and think to myself, “Wow. That definitely answers a lot of lingering questions about him.” And if you could see the photo I saw, you would really understand what I mean.


If you are looking for every loser and weirdo you ever knew and/or dated, they have all moved to Facebook. It is the new mecca for people who want to hide from the ones who are on MySpace. Hello, I know how to use a Google search. If I want to find you, I will find you. This means if you post photos of yourself looking like you think you are Spencer Pratt with 1980s style Miami Vice clothing or you look like what if a ginger version of Satan and Shaggy from Scooby Doo had a baby together, I will see your badness and laugh freely.


A friend of mine has been taken to court for writing checks that bounce as high as the sky. I was shocked as shit to hear about that. When it’s gotten to that point, it’s time to have a serious talk with your parents and say, “I think I need to consider moving back home to save up some money.” It’s not worth blowing your credit up or going to jail. How sad.




It was all a surreal experience that made me have a Seinfeld-esque moment of like, “What has happened to the world?!?!”