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Subtitle: I said lady, what's your number? She say, 9-1-1.

A montage of quotes that pay tribute to the fact that even when I try to be "appropriate" to my circumstances, I simply cannot.

Some of these comments are to me, some about me and some from me.

"You didn't have the first dessert I wanted. Then you come back and say you don't have the second one. The third one you gave me was soggy. I think there needs to be a little . . . recompense. And not the kind of food you're thinking of."

"I think that's currency in some remote parts of Africa."
"DEEP in the BUSH."

"People have sex here in God's America. I sure don't know what he was talking about."

"Anytime that she grabs my arm before she speaks it's like, Brace yourself. Something bad is about to come out!"

"Buckle the f*ck up. I sure love David for giving us that phrase."

"Sometimes even a blind mouse finds a morsel of cheese. And you can QUOTE me on that."

"Well, when you are the Simon Cowell of Claremore . . ."

"His mom said he was a naughty from the womb."
"Oh God, that turns me on. You know what that makes me wanna do? . . ."

"What are we gonna do if we see Simon??"
"Well . . ."
"I mean, I think I might rip . . ."

"You did a head-stand in the back of my car! A moving car!"

"I better turn the lights off."
"You make it sound like I'm the ugliest broad in history."
"What I mean is: discretion."

"There's Jimmy the policeman."

"I need you to reassure me that you are not going to attack him in the aisle."
"Let me into your mind. Paint a picture for me of what you are thinking."
"I imagine that as soon as he steps from behind the camera, you will attack him. Like a cat pouncing. The attraction is just so strong between the two of you that it will be like a cat attacking."

"It was not the salt I wanted."

"It's not fun for a woman. So anytime a woman talks about it actively rather than passively, it causes a lot of fear and a lot of concern."

"The two of you are going to be as it was in the Garden of Eden. As though it had never happened before."
"God will open him up and make me anew from his riblet."

"No biting, tearing and screaming in the aisle."

"It's a filthy song. 'If you cry, I'm gonna push it some more.' That is so raunchy."
"Yeah, he'll be crying because his hip is out of socket and he's in pain."
"Well, the hip is a BALL and SOCKET joint, I think."

"This is me tame, is it not?"
"Oh yeah. This is way tame."

"Someone needs to warn him!"

"I think it may have been the hedge."
"He already has an application in at Geico. That was Simon Cowell of me, I know."

"Here is the gateway to hell: (1) a headstand in a moving vehicle and (2) making fun of a handicapped man. It's all over with now. Satan is beckoning me come to his sternum. He's saying, 'Go on, Clay. Squeeze that fucker' like Lester Long.'"

"The KY jelly logo stood out immediately to me."
"It did to me, too. It is a prophecy."

"There was a Berlin Wall of people."

"It took him two weeks to learn how to do that."
"It took him two weeks to come over."

"You are Simona . . . Quagmire. A combo of Simon Cowell and Glen Quagmire."
"Giggity-giggity-goo."