"I got it for ya right here"

Earlier this week, I was telling Margaret that if Trump asked a woman out and she said she couldn't go on a certain day, Trump wouldn't grovel, he'd go out and do his own thing (I believe I called it "have a Trumptastic time") and then when he did see her, he'd love her so good she wouldn't be able to think of anything else. We were laughing about that this evening and she was saying something about how he'd run his fingers through his hair and go, "I got it for ya right here." I have been laughing about it ever since.

Various quotes of the night:

"My love for you extends 5,000 miles past Heaven."

Man in line at Wal-Mart on cell phone:

"Dude. I am standing in Tulsa, Oklahoma right now. Yeah, yeah, he got busted for gun possession and climbed a wall. He was going to go to jail but we escaped. I guess he had like 10 guns and each gun had clips and they said you get 5 years in jail for each bullet found in each clip. We're workin' jobs now where we start at 6pm and get off at 4:30 but they let us go early today because it's Saturday or something." (He was buying foil pans and two cases of Sam's Club cola.)

"That's what you buy when you want to drink drain cleaner."
"And corrode your teeth off."

"I hadn't even had my morning crumpets yet when some American harlot left me a dirty, obscene message."

"I think it's the generic lady from AT&T and not a mother and family."
"I sincerely hope not."

"The Wackadoo Diner."

"Good times and great oldies. Kool 106.1"

"You ain't got no band, Randy!"

"I'll have the espresso brownie if I want to be up until 6am . . ."

"You can have the mini-spoon."

"Listenin' to Maaaaarvin, all night loooooooooong. This IS the sound of my soul!"

"Why are there babies sitting at the bar?"
"Because this is what always happens to us."

"I would have to say this goat cheese is quite fantastic."

"I'll have the Chicken Bryan. The Chicken Brian Griffin, that is."

"The one where Jimmy Fallon is Wade and it flashes up 'no pubez.'"

"You should probably verify that you have change before you load the casino. I don't know where that came from. I mean to say: you should verify that you have change before you get on the turnpike."

"You have LOAD on the brain."

"So it would seem."

"You can schmooze anyone. Men, women, hermaphrodites, dogs, cats, anyone."

"Is it free? Then my answer is yes, I will have another."

"There are no grapes and there is no honey. Jesus said there would be milk and honey in the Promised Land so clearly, this is not the promised land."

"There should be a law against Sammy Hagar."
"It could be like, you know, when a dictator has to go into exile. Like how Napoleon was exiled to Elba. Sammy Hagar could be exiled to Cabo and told not to leave and not to ever make music again and those would be the conditions in which he'd be allowed to live."

"I'm grabbing onto the oh shit handle."

"Honey came in and she caught me red-handed ridin' with the female Stig."

"I think he was trying to be a PUA."

"Has he tried to contact you?"
"Oh no. I think the combination of Ogie Farks and 'hey fatty' killed that possibility."

"Good. After the way he's treated you, he needed to be checked."

"Well, Aquarians act like when you dump them, you aren't really serious and so they try to make a comeback. Like when I told Ben I didn't want to be his friend and he didn't believe me."
"It's because they cannot believe you would ever dump THEM since they think they are so amazing."

"That man in the picture's got nothin' on me. I'm 3-D, baby!"

"Shutterbugs!"
"Bobby J!"

"Where the hell is Zack Dracula?"

"That falls into the category of more stuff we could say that no one else would understand."

"It seems like Jeff Conaway calls the police every 10 minutes."

"He freaks out over his back a lot."

"Old limberlegs we're walkin' down to old Miller's Creek."

"Well you can bet that Donald Trump doesn't have to use 'the game.'"

"Hell no. He's got the chicks lined up."

"Who has a friend named Pally anyway? Marilyn, that's who!"

"I bet Tim goes home at night and feels very . . . unloved."

"You got some broccoli and cauliflower up in here?"

"I rocked a dry vodka martini. I took it Sean Connery in this bitch."

"Aww. It says 'Bend it like Hammond!'"

"A guy could look like David Beckham but if he acts like a butthole, he becomes unattractive."

"When Nietzsche wept!"

"He may never speak to me again."
"He needs to know from the beginning what he's getting into."

"I will write it down with an eyeliner pencil."

"Ricky's laugh is like music. His laugh was like a devil's."

"I wanted a dessert. Not some weird miniature thing."

"I think this is the new trend."
"I guess for $2 I can't complain much. But I still want to."

"I had a dream that we saw him."
"It could happen. We could be having our champagne jam 007 style and he could come walking in. But we would make him join us."

In closing:

(an air sign sandwich!)