I am going to take a temporary break from my recap of Roger Moore Weekend to make a sidetrack rant. I don't know if you've been watching Real Chance of Love on VH1 but it's hee-fucking-larious. I loved Real and Chance back when they were competing on I Love New York because I think they are fucking funny as hell. I was psyched when I saw that VH1 had given them their own show. I could care less about the chicks that are trying to date the dudes. I watch it because the shit that comes out of their mouths is great. Real talkin' about a crazy woman hexing his geese and turning them into exorcists and antelopes eating his "ding dong" forever and ever if it were to be cut off and tossed in the woods. Chance talkin' about "EAT YO DAMN RICE" at the fishing trip or telling the Bubbles girl not to bring devil worship dances into his house or calling that Stalker girl's clock "a low budget thought." Fuuuuck. Funny as hell, I tell you, funny as hell. So anyway, now that NYC is over and done, my friend and I are back to planning another vacation, hopefully for the spring of 2009. On said vacation, I plan to meet a couple of people in this city that I have grown to like very much. So I was telling my homey that we need-- this early in advance-- to prepare a code word or code phrase to use that we will recognize and remember even if drunk to alert me if my behavior borders on anything So Hood would do, LOL. If you don't watch the show, So Hood was this chick who had it BAAAAD for Chance. She was a stripper, I think, and she was all over Chance's pelvis from Jump Street. Now all this makes for excellent TV but you don't want to go there in real life. One of these guys already knows that I have the severe jangled twitterpation for him and the last thing I want to do is be like, "Hi, how are you? Allow me to make a pelvis-cracking move upon you, good sir." I mean, there is A LOT of intensity behind how I feel for this person. A lot, a lot, a lot. Don't know why exactly, I just have a thang for him. As I told Margaret in NYC, "As much hell as I have been through with them, sometimes it just takes an Aries. And you can quote me on that as long as you include the opening preface about 'as much hell' when you say it." It's true though: sometimes it just takes an Aries. Being a fire sign myself (Sag), I can tell you there is an intensity like a burning sun when you put two passionate fire signs together. But you gotta quell that down in the opening stage of meeting someone. Enter So Hood. The episode before last, Real and Chance took some of the girls on a fishing trip. They were all dressed up because they didn't realize they would be going to a park to fish. Most of them were cool with the situation once they got into it but So Hood could not calm it down. When Chance stood behind her to teach her how to fish, she started humping him. Humped him to the point where he was down on the ground while she continued to grind. And yes, children were around. Later, she decides to amp it up again by going to the bathroom and changing into a skimpy bikini. After they were back at the house, she chased him, tried to hump him again and he tried to shut her in the door to get rid of her. He ultimately had to run away from her. He screamed, "I can't get away from that damn ass!" I totally lost it laughing. It was so unexpected and funny but true. At the elimination, he told her she was too much and that she was trying to do sexy dances while he was trying to fish. I thought to myself, "This is not what I want to do on vacation." I managed to keep it cool in front of Roger Moore, how I do not know since he is my idol, but I did. And I have to keep it cool again on the next vacation. No So Hood sexy dancing on the man while he's trying to fish, no awkward grinding that causes him to fall over, no inappropriate sexual overtures around kids in a park, etc.
I don't want someone looking at me going, "I can't get away from that damn ass!" I want it to be more like, "I don't want to get away from that ass."
