I beg of you, Roger Moore!

Sara's open letter of begging to Sir Roger Moore, her idol and resident handsomest man on Earth:


Please expand your book tour in the U.S. to include more places than just New York City! Do not leave the rest of us hanging. There are going to be so many freakin' people at these events trying to crawl up your colon that you just have to, have to, have to add more cities if for no other reason than crowd control. Listen to one of your biggest fans and get thee to a central location in the States. All of this reminds me of a story told by my Scorpio grandfather about the time a film from the 40s called Mom and Dad opened in his small town. There were so many people in line to see this "sex ed" propaganda film, that a man was pushed through a glass door and died. DIED! Died trying to see diseased genitals on screen. What a way to end one's life. I do not want this to happen to me. I do not want to be killed or maimed or stiffed out from seeing you due to immense crowds sleeping out on the sidewalks Harry Potter style. (Not that you are diseased genitals by any means-- I just would rather not the last image you see of me or I see of myself to be me dying in a bloody mess from being shoved through a glass door at a B&N. Not the way to impress one's idol.) You are cooler than a fan running in an igloo in November. Come and see us in the U.S.!

-Sara