You needn't look any further

Sweeet. I tracked down the Bill Hicks clip about Satan and subliminal messages on LPs:





I would simply like to add a few more of my own experiences / notions / frustrations to the "you needn't look any further" category this fine balmy evening:



*If you look like a possible body double for Taylor Hicks yet you think you need a supermodel, you are an idiot. You needn't look any further to find one because YOU are it.



*If you look like a floppy Ken doll and you wish to find someone who has a stick up his or her ass like you do, you needn't look any further. You are the one with a rod up the backside.



*If you are an adult and "naughty language" or raucous behavior scares you deeply, you needn't look any further for a Puritanical knob. You are it.



*If you try to argue with me about the greatness of Roger Moore, you are a miniature tool who tries to emulate Jeremy Clarkson because he's wicked cool and you are not, you try to convince me that Renault is the greatest car on the road, you "correct" my language when I swear, you drone on endlessly about Harry Potter, you recommend movies that suck, you invade my personal space and touch me uninvited, and/or you are an all-around bore of a human being, you needn't look any further for someone with a swollen eye. It will be you! (Reference "Get Back" by Ludacris for an excellent musical rendering of what annoying people need when they are all in your face.)

*If you tell me you do not like me because, and I do quote here, you think I have "too many black friends," you needn't look any further for a racist asshole. It's you.

*If you tell me you don't like comedy or stand up comics and think it's a waste of time, you needn't look any further for a morose waste of space. It's you.

Honestly, people. Get your shit together and come correct! No doubt if you are a regular blog reader here, you've heard me quote Jonathan's "you either came here to do great hair or you didn't and if you didn't, get the fuck out" speech. I stand by my assessment that there is actually good philosophy there. You either came here to be a good person and get to know me or you didn't. And if you didn't, get the fuck out.

Just as simple as that.