Things Overheard at Lunch Again

I tried to have a peaceful lunch this week with ST1 and it was interrupted by a strange collection of people. The section I sat down in was quiet and peaceful when I got there. There was a dude sitting by himself eating a huge meal like he was starving and he was filling out some type of paperwork. I sit down with ST and think to myself that this is just what I needed. Oh no. Not that easy.

First, the man by himself takes a phone call on his cell LOUDLY. I don't know what was going on but it was apparently his girlfriend on the line and he must have called her "sweetheart" and "baby" 100 times in the two minutes they spoke. The only thing I could clearly distinguish amongst the syrupy talk was when he asked her, "Oh. How many bottles do you want me to get?" Have no idea if he was talking about alcohol or meds or what but it seemed kinda odd. Then he hung up and went right back to eating.

Next, two women come in together and it looks like a mother-daughter duo. The daughter is also extremely loud. In an otherwise empty restaurant, I don't know why they wanted to sit so damned close and talk so loudly. The daughter was preparing for a wedding and all she wanted to talk about was buying flowers for the wedding. She said she and her groom-to-be had a fight in the flower shop and when the bill came for 300 and some odd dollars, she was mad. But then she quickly added, "I can AFFORD it but that is still a lot of money to pay for a flower arrangement." Later in the conversation, she also loudly stated that she and her betrothed were going to "webcam" with his parents. What this means, I do not know for certain. It could be a discussion of wedding things via the internet or it could be something quite perverse. And judging from the way she looked, you would not want to see the webcam show. Trust me.

The icing on the cake was the man who sat down in the next booth across the aisle. At first, I thought I would be sitting next to a skater with long, thick mutton chop sideburns and many wallet chains. He went to the other side of the place and I was left with uptight businessman yuppie who looked like that dude who used to be on Caroline in the City. Can't think of his name but that is really what this man looked like. He gets a drink and can't seem to sit still. Finally, he gets up and starts pacing down the aisle. About the time I am ready to tear myself away from Simon to ask this man just what the fuck he thinks he is doing wandering the aisle like a nomad, this woman comes in to meet him. They give each other the strangest "date" hug I have ever seen. You know how guys hug one another-- like jocks or dudes in church where they do that kind of halfway hug that ends with a masculine slap on the back? That was the hug this man and woman gave each other. Admittedly, it was hot and muggy outside but this woman had hardly any clothes on. She announced to the man, "Today was dress day. When you can't figure out what to wear, just pull a dress on and go out the door." This dress was cut just below her buttcheeks and didn't cover much of her breasts either. She said she'd just come from work which made me wonder where the hell she works and what she does there. He continues to compliment her on her appearance and she says she only has a closet full of a few dresses and jeans and notes that his "wardrobe is so expansive," although to me, he looks like John Q. Businessman from Anywhere, USA. This weird exchange of awkward compliments continues for a few more moments and the man pulls out an IPhone and shows the woman dozens of photos of his family. He apparently had been to a recital performance and wanted to show the woman the many pictures he took while there. And there was also apparently a party for the child after the recital and he took many photos of the kid's cake. The woman fawned on the photos like they were pictures of Jesus himself and kept fidgeting around the table like she was trying to ascertain if she was kicking his legs or kicking the table stand. That was the gist of their date together. Giggling about the clothes they had on, looking at recital photos and making sure they weren't kicking each other under the table. A strange and kooky date. Yet under the pretense, you could tell by the way the man was looking at her, the way she was looking at him and the way she was dressed, sex was on the menu. Maybe not that afternoon, but you could tell they were attracted to each other and some humping was going to occur. I'm glad, at least, I didn't have to see it.

On an unrelated note, why does Michael Douglas always play the hard working dude who gets in a shitty situation and snaps? I am sitting here this afternoon (this balmy afternoon) watching The Game and I'm like, "Isn't this his standard role? Dude who gets fed up and fights back?"