Overheard Conversations

Earlier this week, I took myself out to lunch, mostly for mental health purposes. The last few days you have to work before you have time off are always tainted with vacation-itis and people dumping tons of shit on you to do. Blah. So for relief and escape, I went out to eat. While dining, there were tons of people in the restaurant talking loudly about some of the weirdest, most random crap. In no particular order, these are observations I overheard and committed to paper. Why? Because I love you, blog audience. You should share freely in my laughter.



From a table of yuppie jock businessmen behind me:



"Once I get in, I can't get out. I have to crawl through the steering wheel."
(Whatever the fuck that means!)



"I like the bartering system. I mean. Well."



"Seems like a good skill to have." One yuppie's response to another yuppie's story about a baseball player who deflected a pitch with his calf muscle



"Physical comedy works *sometimes*."
"I guess I don't *get* comedies."
(Somehow, I am not shocked these uptight loud-ass dudes don't "get" comedies.)



"I bet if Eric were here I could get him to eat that."



"I heard Iron Man's comin' out this weekend."
"Oh YEAH!"

The men then make plans to eat BBQ and see Iron Man. They named of restaurants I have never heard of in the Tulsa area, such as Lil's, Pinzetti and Kay's.



From an old woman dressed like a cougar in the food line talking to her husband:
"I don't know. Some gal in the West Indies."
(Yeah, because we all know some gal in the West Indies in Tulsa, Oklahoma)



A collection of cowboys and hicks walked in together. One asked, loudly, "Can we order Budweiser in here?"



Another man walked in who looked like Jon Lovitz dressed as the Devil but wearing a Polo shirt.



Mad Bluetooths were also on display. Every other MF-er in this joint had a BT on.



There was a tall man (I mean, TALL) who walked around aimlessly and stared at wall art the entire time I was there. Never once did he order, he just wandered around.

A woman came in and sat behind me after the jocks left and she literally reeked of strong old lady perfume. I wanted to choke.

Various other conversation snippets overheard from the tables around me:

"And 45 minutes later: NO RICE!"

"Come and meet the flock."

"You have to meet her at the motel?"

"Oh no! I want a HOT chicken."

"What about your chemistry?"

"Thanks for comin' in with your SMUG looks."

"Can he judge the settlement?"
"I doubt it."

"You know, my uncle had that."


And finally, my favorite that I still cannot determine the meaning of:

"It's called the Jimmy Path."