Lemme Upgrade U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Bnr_5DuFpU

Upgrade u, lemme upgrade u

If:

*You think a photographic negative makes you artistic and/or hella cool, you are lame. And BTW, I know the angle you're working, homey, and it will get you NOWHERE. You need to upgrade.

*You send me a random message on the internet saying you look like Piers Morgan and therefore I should date you, you are lame. And I will upgrade from you by ignoring your existence. And possibly finding the real Piers to date.

*You continue to deny me the Vendetta for the Saint DVD, I will upgrade myself by putting the whole damn series of The Saint on my queue. I need my Roger Moore, damn it. This is not a joke, nor is it a game.

*You take off your shoes and reveal that your feet look like they belong to Gollom and they have random cuts and scrapes on them, upgrade by getting a pedicure. STAT.

*You stink then upgrade by taking a damn shower.

*Your idea of dressing up involves wearing paints that are tiiiiiiiiight because you are way fat, upgrade by purchasing some clothes that fit.

*Your gut is falling out of the sweater your sweetie pie bought you, upgrade by not wearing it in public where people can laugh and point. (And trust me, they did.)

*You need so much ego adulation that you drag people out on an important holiday just so you can wax philosophical, upgrade by getting a reality check.

*You attempt to make conversation but fail because you are tangential and long-winded, upgrade by getting better verbal prowess.

*You think you look like a male model but you have a busted grill and you frequently smell of j.o., upgrade by taking an objective look in the mirror. And then shower and use cologne.

This list could go on forever.