Hang on tightly, let go lightly.

I have been sick as a damn dog these past few days. I have wanted to crawl back into the womb and start all over again. Ok, maybe not that severe but I have been desperate to feel human again. Everyone is ill. People at work, people out on the street, people in my circle of friends and family. There was a 3 hour wait at the first clinic I tried to go to yesterday and a 1 hour wait at the one I finally stopped at. Everyone in the waiting room was either coughing their asses off or laid down in the seat sweating a fever out. I've been in a hell combo of coughs, sneezes, shits, fever then chills then fever again, chronic insomnia, jitters, sinus pain, and earache.

I've been trying to keep myself amused and have my spirits up but it has been hard. The insomnia and jitters have made sleep almost impossible. I was a train wreck last night. I slept from 2:05 to 2:45. I wanted to die. It is so frustrating to be mentally exhausted and ready to sleep but to feel like your body is conspiring against you to keep you awake. I finally collapsed into sleep from about 5 to 5:45 and then again from about 6:30 to 11. I am hoping to God that tonight will be better. The cough medicine I was given is a fucking joke. It is cough syrup combined with decongestant and codeine. Instead of sleeping, you feel like someone has given you a stimulant and is daring you to get any kind of rest. It's also rather isolating when you know the rest of the world is asleep so they can get up and go to work and you are languishing in the bed rotating between sweats and chills. Blah. I wouldn't wish this crap on anyone. Although it seems every other person in Oklahoma has already had it or is suffering with it like me.

I'm sitting here trying to gather the effort to take a shower and then eat an actual hot lunch. Sometimes the simplest things like getting cleaned up and eating a good meal can make a person feel better. I'm also halfway watching Croupier as I am typing this blog. So far, it's intriguing. I feel like I am learing a lot of things about the behind-the-scenes machinations of a casino. This was the role, so I have read anyway, that put Clive Owen in the running to be the next Bond before Craig was chosen. Naturally, James Bond and casino life go hand in hand-- we meet Bond for the first time in a casino, after all, in both the first novel and the first film-- so it seemed a good movie to pass time this afternoon. I hope to be back into society and working again by tomorrow. Too much time alone in the house tends to make a person stir-crazy and disconnected. Not a pleasant experience.